How an Anxiety Therapist Healed her Cuticle Picking Habit.

You can heal your cuticle picking habit

Do you find yourself picking at your cuticles when you're feeling anxious? If so, you're not alone. Many people use nervous habits like picking at their skin as a coping mechanism for anxiety.  Cuticle picking, also known as onychotillomania or dermatillomania, is a compulsive behavior that involves the repetitive picking and tearing of the skin around the nails. This behavior can be driven by a variety of factors including anxiety, stress, boredom, or even perfectionism. It usually begins as a way to self soothe and becomes an unconscious habit. Those who engage in cuticle picking may find temporary relief or satisfaction from their actions, but ultimately it can lead to pain, bleeding, and infection. This habit can be both physically and emotionally damaging, affecting self-esteem and body image.

Growing up, I don’t remember feeing calm in my house very often.  I didn’t have a parent offering consistent soothing.  I didn’t feel secure, safe or calm. I learned to self sooth by biting or picking my nails.  As I grew up and wanted to have nice nails, I stopped biting and picking my nails but that lead to picking my cuticles. I was jealous of friends who had pretty fingers and nails.  I felt disgusting, especially when someone would notice or would want to hold my hand where there might be band aids to cover up the injury. 

Why do we pick our cuticles?

When we feel anxious, our body releases cortisol, a stress hormone. This hormone triggers the "fight or flight" response, causing our body to go into survival mode. Our heart rate increases, our breathing quickens, and our muscles tense up. In this state, our body is preparing to face a threat or run away from it.

However, in our modern world, most of the things that trigger our anxiety are not life-threatening. They're things like work deadlines, social situations, or financial stress. When we can't fight or flee from these stressors, we may turn to coping mechanisms like picking at our cuticles.

Picking at our cuticles can provide a temporary sense of relief from our anxiety. It distracts us from our worries and gives us something to focus on. It also simply becomes an unconscious habit.  It can lead to skin damage, infections, and even more anxiety.

How can we break the cycle of anxiety and cuticle picking?

The first step is to recognize the behavior. Pay attention to when you're picking at your cuticles and what triggers the behavior. Where are you and when does it happen?  Are you socializing?  Working?  Sitting alone watching a show?  Waiting in line at a store? This awareness can help you identify patterns and develop strategies to cope with your anxiety.

I noticed I picked most of the time. I would pick at work, socializing or even just laying on the couch when I assumed I was calm.

Once you've identified the triggers (when and where you are most likely to pick), work on finding healthier ways to cope with your anxiety. This could include deep breathing exercises, mindfulness meditation, or talking to a therapist. There's no one-size-fits-all solution, so experiment with different techniques and find what works best for you.

Finally, keep your hands busy. If you're prone to picking at your cuticles when you're idle, try keeping your hands busy with a stress ball or fidget toy. This can help redirect your nervous energy and give you something else to focus on.

I tried for many years to break this habit that brought me shame but nothing ever worked.  I paid to get my nails done which diminished it a little as I would fear judgement from the nail tech.  I bought cuticle creams and lotions.  But the unconscious habit persisted. It wasn’t until I chose to to take a mindful and somatic approach to my cuticle picking that it changed. I learned to pay attention, to really tune in to my body, and what I was feeling when I would notice my urge to pick.  As soon I caught myself picking, I would stop, take a breath and pay attention inside.  That daily practice help me understand that because of how I grew up, most of the time, my nervous system struggles to be calm.  It’s a daily practice of tuning in and letting whatever is there to be there.  It’s amazing how that simple act of “being with” calms my body down and changes my need to need pick.

Now, I am also never without jojoba oil pens or hand lotion.  Though I researched how to stop this habit over the years, it wasn’t until I found The Salon Life on YouTube where she explained the difference between the cuticle and the proximal nail fold or living skin and how to take care of it!  As my proximal nail fold/living skin around my fingers has healed, the urge to pick has also diminished.  There will always be dry skin there but I have become so conscious of the habit, and even though I still may pick here or there, the daily unconscious habit has changed.  After decades of this unconscious habit and soothing myself this way, I have found alternatives, and I am finally band aid free, it feels so good to look at my healed fingers.

Remember, breaking a nervous habit takes time and effort. Be patient with yourself and celebrate small victories along the way. With persistence and the right tools, you can overcome this behavior and find relief from your anxiety.

Picking at our cuticles is a common coping mechanism for anxiety. By recognizing the behavior, understanding your wiring inside, finding alternative coping mechanisms, keeping our hands busy, and even healing past traumas, we can break the cycle of anxiety and cuticle picking. With time and effort, we can develop healthier ways to manage our anxiety and find lasting relief.